As I write to you I’m resting in my bed reveling in your spritely flutters and wiggles. I think of your sweetest little cheeks, your tiny button nose and your beautiful little eyes. Those beautiful little eyes that I dream will one day soon look up at your Mommy and Daddy expecting nothing but love. We have an over abundance of love for you, sweet Nora, if only that were enough.

Just incase you decide you can’t stay too long with us, I want to tell you about your family.

This picture was taken just before Christmas shortly before we received your diagnosis.

I’ll start first with your Daddy. Your Daddy is simply the sweetest, kindest, funniest, most loving man I have ever met. When I’m not busy taking him for granted (which fortunately isn’t all that often!!), I marvel at how lucky I am to be his wife. His faith, his devotion to his family, his strength, his compassion toward his loved ones, friends, even complete strangers is awe-inspiring. I wish that every girl could be as lucky as I am. “To know him is to love him,” should be his slogan. Some of my favorite moments are listening to him play with your older brother and sister. I love how he makes them laugh and his unique way of making them feel special and loved. He can cheer me out of the worst mood and can make me laugh till I feel like I can’t breathe! I love that he loves to make me laugh. Every morning before he leaves for work he pulls the covers off of me so he can kiss my belly, lovingly stroke you and wish you a good morning. Oh, how he loves you!!

You have a birth sister who doesn’t live here with us and didn’t grow up with us, but she is no less loved, no less important. She started her tiny little life right where you are right now. You share a middle name with her – both my beautiful “Roses”. She was one of the very first people to know about you, and she was so excited to hear the news! I hope you will get to meet her and you can see  for yourself what a beautiful person she is inside and out.

Your brother Gavin is such a funny and sensitive little boy, just like your Daddy. He loves to play sports, he loves to draw and he loves to make people laugh. He is very curious about you and often puts his ear up against my belly to see if he can hear you. He likes to feel you moving around in there and gets a big smile on his face when you kick. I love that when we’re here by ourselves at home he still calls Daddy “Dada” and me “Mama”. He’s so full of love, and can’t wait to meet you! He’s everybody’s buddy!

Your sister Greta is a sweet cuddle bug. She is the most compassionate, empathetic little person I have ever met. If she finds me in bed when ordinarily I’m not, she comes in real close to check my eyes for tears and to see if there is any way she can “make it all better”. Often she’ll lend me one of her “bees” (security blankets) as she knows those always makes her feel better! She talks about you lots and is always drawing pictures for and of you. There are lots of angels in the pictures she draws — even angel kitty cats, her favorite, favorite animal. Greta couldn’t wait for a little sister and just KNEW you were “her”, long before we found out for sure. She gives you hugs several times a day and tells you she’ll miss you, even if she’s just going into dance class for a little while. When we’re cuddling sometimes she can feel your little nudges up against her back and she gets so excited! Today she asked me how to spell “Nora”. I later noticed the red magic marker on her hand. She had drawn a collection of hearts with your name next to them. She makes me smile with all of her sweetness. You will love your big sister, just you wait!

Beside your immediate family you have a treasured extended family that loves you intensely. They were all so surprised and excited to hear the news back in August that there would be another little one in the family. These are among the most tender, compassionate, beloved, determined and courageous people you could ever hope to meet. No matter what, we are always there for each other, picking each other up in times of despair, and we always come out on the other side stronger than who we started out as. You come from a long line of strong fighters, my love! Simply by having made it this far, you definitely have inherited that strength.

There are also a countless array of friends who love you and who are praying for you. All of these friends and family that help Mommy and Daddy get through these exhausting days, we don’t know what we would do without them. Even those who aren’t able to be physically present, rest assured, we feel the prayers and the love they send our way, and we hope you do too.

No matter how long or how short your stay is with us, I can promise you that you will spend a lifetime that some people can only wish and hope for… surrounded by those who love you the most.

I guess I should tell you about me too. I’m your Mommy. I too, love to make people laugh. I think that as long as you have a sense of humor, you can get through just about anything. I’m so thankful for the strength and peace that God has bestowed upon me to get me through this time. I’m also thankful that I still have the ability to laugh despite the uncertain road ahead of us. I feel blessed to be your Mama and I’m excited to meet you. I promise to keep you safe and loved in the mean time, and I hope you got all the candy heart messages I’ve been sending you through your umbilical cord, CUTIE PIE.  I love you, Nora Rose!!

Love,
Mommy

“Some people are like seed along the path where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them.” – Mark 4:15 NIV

It wasn’t even a covert breeze that came along, blustering away everything I KNEW to be true. It was a brazen and malevolent heist of joy that had just been sown in me at Bible study. I can recognize it for what it is in hindsight, but how better off I’d have been to have known it in the moment. I definitely would not have responded  back with the same hatred that I was being impaled with.

“Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—some thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times what was sown.” – Mark 4:20 NIV

So maybe the quality of my soil isn’t quite everything I thought it was, especially right now.  All the more reason to take special care and to be on guard in these fragile times. Satan has no sympathy for anyone!

“His children are far from safety,
crushed in court without a defender. The hungry consume his harvest,
taking it even from among thorns,
and the thirsty pant after his wealth. For hardship does not spring from the soil,
nor does trouble sprout from the ground. Yet man is born to trouble
as surely as sparks fly upward. “But if I were you, I would appeal to God;
I would lay my cause before him. He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed,
miracles that cannot be counted. He provides rain for the earth;
he sends water on the countryside. The lowly he sets on high,
and those who mourn are lifted to safety. He thwarts the plans of the crafty,
so that their hands achieve no success. He catches the wise in their craftiness,
and the schemes of the wily are swept away. Darkness comes upon them in the daytime;
at noon they grope as in the night. He saves the needy from the sword in their mouth;
he saves them from the clutches of the powerful. So the poor have hope,
and injustice shuts its mouth. “Blessed is the one whom God corrects;
so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.” – Job 5:4-17 NIV

I am so grateful for the optimism, yet my own emotions are experiencing a great divergence from day to day. I continue with all of my best efforts to stay focused on the present, and to allow God to take control of this, but there are days when the fear and doubt come slithering in.  There are the days that I have completely accepted that Nora is exactly who God made her to be, and then the days that I mourn the loss of who I thought she was going to be. Some days I imagine what it would be like to bring her home, others I’m tormented by the likelihood of planning for an infant’s funeral. I can’t think of a time in my life where I’ve felt such a loss of control. Yes, it is frightening, but ultimately it is where I need to be in order to let God take over.

I am the blind folded passenger in a car and have no idea where we are going. If I were driving, surely we would crash as I can’t see a thing. If I didn’t know and trust God as I do, I would be terrified and plotting my escape. Instead, I imagine God is sitting right next to me, a gentle smile on His lips, one hand on the wheel, humming to a song on the radio. He’s certainly not worried or anxious because He knows where He’s taking me. He is so excited to take the blind fold off when we get there. In the mean time, I still have my sense of hearing. I can enjoy the song on the radio. I still have my sense of smell and touch. I can breathe in the crisp breeze that blows on my face through the open windows.  I can sit back and relax as God leans over to tell me with His unerring wisdom, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV) With my hands clasped firmly around my round belly, I can’t help but smile at this news from beneath my blind fold.

Any bit of awkwardness that I maybe had worried about was eliminated the moment we walked in the door. I was so encouraged by the sweetness and compassion of everyone working there. To hear that we’ve been in their prayers since the day I called to make the appointment completely touched my heart! 

I’m so thankful for all of the images and for the video of my sweet little princess.  These pictures of her while she’s safe, warm, happy (even smiling!), content and loved are absolute treasures. We also got a teddy bear with a recording of Nora’s heartbeat. Greta picked out a soft pink bear for her little sister.  I’m so so glad we decided to do this!! I’m very happy today!

Miracle [mir-uh-kuhl] – noun
1.  an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause.
2.  such an effect or event manifesting or considered as a work of God.
3. a wonder; marvel.

Nora is a miracle, as is all life, in that she is a work of God. It is also a miracle that she’s come this far. Through all of the critical stages of pregnancy, she’s managed to persevere with a stubbornness that can only be attributed to her mother! I read today that 50% of miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities. With so many things potentially in error with Nora’s genetic make up, there is also an abundance of efficiency present to have enabled her to have made it this far to 30 weeks! That is a miracle.

I’ve played out all sorts of fantasies in my head — an out of town area code shows up on the caller I.D. and “Maybe it’s the lab calling to clear up a terrible error that was made with the amnio results!!”, “Maybe the vials were mixed up!”, “Maybe the person reading the results was new and inexperienced!”, etc., etc.  The amnio results are said to be 99% accurate. It’s not so much that 1% shred of hope, or a possible error that I’m hanging onto, but rather God’s infinite power. Our God that created an entire universe has the power to cure a tiny baby with an extra chromosome.

I won’t sit here and pretend that I have God, faith, and religion all figured out. I don’t think there is anyone on this earth who could ever fully grasp the vastness of it all. Ultimately God wants a relationship with us, and what ever vehicle gets us there is all that matters. Arguing about religion is almost as silly as arguing about Ford vs. Chevy. One can point fingers and admonish the other driver for his lack of discernment. They can argue about the superior horsepower of one over the other, plaster “Piss on __________ ” stickers all over the back of their trucks, all in attempt to one up the other. But does it REALLY make a difference? At the end of the day, both trucks have 4 wheels, an engine, the ability to get people from point A to point B, and sometimes out of messy situations. In my opinion there is no “right” or “wrong” way. So it is with our faith.

In the words of Paul, “For Christ sent me to preach the gospel — not with human wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.” – 1 Corinthians 1:17

The disunity amongst us empties the power of the cross. That’s what it says in the Bible and that is what I believe to be true.

PART II

Shortly after Nora’s diagnosis, my Mom was going through old letters and correspondences that belonged to her mother, my Grandmother. Among them was a letter about my grandmother’s first cousin Fr. Joseph Cappel. He was a Maryknoll priest that served as a missionary in Curepto, Chile from 1943 until his death in 2004 at age 95. By all accounts, he was a humble and incredible man, ministering to the poor and needy in his community by bicycle almost up until the day he died. There were 3 funeral masses said on his behalf just to accommodate his mourners. Recently, for reasons I’m not quite sure, his body was exhumed to be buried in a different location. It was then that it was noted that his body was still perfectly preserved! Many in his community are regarding this as a miracle and are seeking to have him canonized into sainthood — to have him officially recognized by the Vatican as a saint. Part of the canonization process involves documented miracles, as defined by the first definition above. Without any further thought on the matter, we immediately began praying for Fr. Joseph Cappel to intercede on our behalf and on behalf of this little baby! A  specific prayer was written out in the letter to put forward when praying for a miracle:

Father God, Holy, Good and Merciful,

We give thanks to you for Your Son, Jesus, our brother, who had pity on so many needy, when He was one like us.

To Him, Father Joseph Cappel F., Missioner of Maryknoll, consecrated his whole life, which he gave completely to Your favored ones, the sick, the poor, the sorrowful and the abandoned.

Lord Jesus, come now to our aid. We implore you that, by the intercession of Fr. Joseph Cappel of Curepto, You grant us what we request, Virgin Mary, Mother and Lady of the Rosary and of Maryknoll pray for us also. Amen.

_______

A couple of weeks before we found out the gender of our little one, I was looking through genealogy information to find out the exact relation of Fr. Cappel.  I was overwhelmed with emotion to learn that he was the son of my great great Aunt Nora. “Nora” being the name I was so fond of, and that I had already picked out for a little girl. “Wouldn’t that be something if this baby is a little girl,” I thought.

Signs, prophecies, hints, premonitions? I can’t say, but somehow I can’t add “coincidence” to that list and I will continue to pray for that miracle.

Saturday we go for the 4D ultrasound, which we’ll go to as a family. Gavin and Greta are excited to see their little sister. They realize she might not be with us long, but they love her none the less. They hug my belly and say goodbye to her before heading off to the bus stop, and pat my belly “hello” as soon as they get home. It’s sweet to have Nora included as a part of the family.

This sweet little girl who responds to the sound of my voice. I want to hold onto her forever and never let her go.

I am so much more tranquil about knowing her gender than I had anticipated. The moments leading up to the cake cutting were absolutely nerve wracking. However, once I had the conclusive evidence in the form of PINK cake, I heaved a sigh of relief and breathed easy with the knowledge of a baby daughter. I love being able to call her by name, my sweet Nora.

I’ve always loved the name Nora. I like the way it sounds, I love that it is unique, classic and simple. It is a family name as well. I had a Great-Great-Aunt Nora that I never met, but I’ve heard stories about her — what a neat, funny lady she was. Today I got a phone call from my Mom asking me if I knew what the name “Nora” means. I told her that I hadn’t had a chance to look up the meaning, but asked that she please enlighten me! “Elanora” (which is what Nora’s full name will be) means “from the shore”. How absolutely perfect. My most precious, sweetest “treasure” yet. (See Day 4) I had NO IDEA. (And God doesn’t have his hands all over this???????????????)

I chose the name “Rose” in honor of Nora’s oldest sister, who shares the same middle name, also in reference to the Novena to St. Therese. At the end of the Novena a rose is received as a sign of answered prayers. Try it! Prayers were answered above and beyond with my first “Rose” and I DON’T DOUBT THEY WILL BE AGAIN. It seemed only appropriate.

Here is the video from yesterday:

I have the privilege and honor of introducing you to:

Nora Rose Yusko

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born,I set you apart.”  – Jeremiah 1:5

… Stay tuned

You are so active inside of me right now.  I take such joy in your tiny bouts of activity, each little squirm and wiggle.  You are such a strong little thing, contrary to everything we’ve read about T18.  I’m so anxious to meet you, but hate the thought of separating you from the life line that has devotedly sustained you so far. The tie that physically binds us is destined to be cut in two, but there is a tie that will forever tether you to my heart. Nothing and no one can separate that bond. I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.

Condensed into such a short period of time, I hope you will be able to see and feel the tremendous lifetime of love your family has for you. I hope you will know that your sweet little life was not in vain. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, God’s work of art.

Right now, as you’re nestled up inside of me, the concept of being without you seems blighting. But I will find solace in knowing that someday I’ll see you again. Your sweet Daddy and I will have an eternal little baby angel waiting for us in heaven.

I love you, little one.

Love,
Mommy